Teen Slang from an Old World Perspective

Understanding the secret language of Gen Z when you are cheugy

As per mine offspring, the manner in which I do inscribe my missives doth render me akin to an elder dame. Thus, I have resolved to amend my discourse, with the aim of sounding less like an old hag. Therefore, verily, ye elders, gather 'round, for in this digital age, ye may find yourselves adrift as I on strange seas, perplexed by the cryptic lexicon of youth. Fret not, for I shall be thy guide on this whimsical journey, as we unravel the mysteries of the modern vernacular.

In days of yore, words flowed like a gentle stream, but lo, the times have changed! Now, the youth converse in tongues both strange and novel. To remain au courant and connected, one must grasp the essence of their colloquialisms. So, without further ado, permit me to assist thee in appearing less aged. When posting unto social media, make judicious employment of these phrases from henceforth.

Lit - A word of extravagant commendation, declaring that a matter is wondrous or thrilling, as thus: "That festivity was absolutely lit, my dear elders!"

Gains - Evidence of progress in the hall of physical exertion, such as the gymnasium, or other pursuits of bodily betterment. Hence, the youthful may declare that they "maketh gains.”  Forsooth, one might utter, "I've been frequenting the gymnasium with regularity, and I do begin to discern notable gains in mine biceps."

Tea - Tidings or savory tidbits of discourse, often murmured in secret whispers. As in, “Spill the tea, I desireth to drink every droplet of knowledge thee hath.”

Ship - To give thy blessing or favor to a romantic kinship betwixt twain individuals or characters. To utter "I ship them,” signifieth thy desire for their union.

On the grind - Signifying the diligent labor, oft in pursuit of physical fitness or monetary gain. As in: "I, in ceaseless toil, am on the grind both day and night, endeavoring to enlarge my purse.”

Weird flex - A colloquial utterance employed to signify that one doth boast or display with an awkward, unseemly, or unimpressive manner. For example: “When Aaron did commence boasting of his being the months most commendable servant at the Swift Victuals Emporium, his comrade did respond, saying, “Weird flex, yet so be it."

Sick - Oft employed to manifest great zeal, favor, or commendation for that which beareth the mark of coolness. As when a youth proclaims, "Verily, thy novel skateboard feat is sick!"

Rizz - Used to depict one who is exceedingly winsome in speech, and exceptionally delightful in discourse, so much so that they may with ease find companionship for any excursion. One might utter of them, "The young one hath great rizz, to such an extent that he effortlessly garnereth the ladies' favor when we venture to the taverns."

Low key —  When thou dost possess a moderated fondness for something, yet art not wholly assured of the manner in which others shall respond to thy liking thereof. As in, "I low key like conversing with mine elders.”

To pull someone - The deed of enticing another in a romantic or amorous guise, thereby opening the door to fond gestures, intimate meetings, or courtship. For example: "I do seek to pull this maiden from my arithmetic course, for she possesses great beauty and charm."

Netflix and chill — Refers not to literary amusement and rest, but to coupling in dalliance. It may be said that, "They planned to engage in Netflix and chill, and thus, their evening was filled with mirth and intimacy."

No cap — Employed to signify that one speaketh truth. As in: “No cap, I was dwelling solitary throughout the night."

The ick - When thy affection for another abruptly goes from amorous to loathing. As in, “That rogue hath given me the ick.”

Mid —'Tis a familiar manner, and therefore insulting, of expressing that a thing is merely passable or devoid of distinction. Example: "That novel potation at the alehouse proved mid, I doubt I shall return thither."

Now, dear elders, armed with this newfound knowledge, ye are prepared to navigate the bewildering waters of this present age. Fear not the perplexing conversations of the youth, for thou shalt blend seamlessly with their ranks. Bear in mind that language, akin to the tides, doth ever shift, and shall be new even on the morrow. For the present, embrace the journey into these novel realms of speech, for it keeps they heart youthful, even as thee groweth long in the tooth. May thy just-gained prudence serve thee well in this ever-changing realm of discourse.