The Power of Friendship

Strengthening our Weak Ties

I’ve always loved ensemble cast TV shows, like Friends, New Girl, and Seinfeld, now I know why; it’s the friendship thing. It seems like those tight knit groups really have it figured out. As if to confirm that, I recently stumbled on an intriguing article on "blue zones." These are regions of the world where people live remarkably long lives, and one common thread among them is the presence of positive friend groups. In Okinawa, Japan, for example, people participate in something called a moai – a lifelong support system comprising five friends who are there for each other through thick and thin. It’s the perfect number for their own ensemble sitcom!

Inspired by the moai, I started exploring ways to nurture friendships in my own life. And you know what? It turns out that even the little things can make a big difference. Research suggests that having weak ties alone leads to greater happiness. Who would've thought? But, strengthening our "weak ties" – those casual acquaintances we encounter regularly – can bring even more joy to our lives.

Now, let's not forget about our deeper friendships. Those people who share our values and bring that extra sparkle to our lives. These friends are normally few, and that’s for a good reason. Too many good friends can spread you too thin, so that no one gets enough of your time. In these deeper friendships, quality matters more than quantity.

So, having never really been taught how to grow deeper in friendship that doesn’t center around our mutual love of Rick Springfield, or Seventeen magazine, and finding that not only myself, but many of my friends and weak ties notice that nobody is knocking down the door to do things with them, I decided to concentrate on doing what I can to nurture my relationships? And maybe help you do the same thing. So here are a few things to think about:

1. Schedule regular dates: This is the secrete sauce, isn’ it? Consistency. I’ve never had this in my life. Never knew it was possible off of the TV screen, but now I’m thinking I’ll give it a go. Just have to find a few girls who are willing to keep me in their calendar. If you do regularly scheduled friend stuff, tell me what that is in the comments. I need ideas!

2. Share the little things: I have a problem with rejection. So, sending texts or making phone calls is a recipe for repudiation, and I’m not usually up for that. But the internet tells me that sharing little things is okay. Psychologists even say that sharing songs can bond people together. Those in the know say listening to music boosts your oxytocin levels, which is a neuropeptide associated with an increase in bonding and trust between people. Yum! So, music actually activates the area of the brain that helps you connect with what others are thinking and feeling, and that is good fodder for friendship. Remember, those mixed tapes you’d make for your significant other, so they knew exactly what you were feeling? Guess our younger selves knew what we were doing.

3. Surprise them with treats: Okay, this one is a no brainer. I mean who doesn’t like treats? Or to be thought of? I can do this, I just hope you don’t think I’m weird when I show up at your door with a box of Airheads saying, “I thought of you when I saw these in the store.”

4. Remember special occasions: I can barely remember my own birthday, but Facebook is trying to help me with remembering yours. It doesn’t take more than a Happy Birthday or congratulations to show you are thinking of someone.

5. Be genuinely curious: Okay, I can do this. I am genuinely curious about people, and love getting to know them. Just have to remember that a conversation is a two-way street, so I need to remember to talk about myself a bit too. I find that people who allow me to do that are very enjoyable. Funny how that works, huh?

5. Ask them to do things: Traditionally, I’m scared to ask you to do things. It’s that rejection thing all over again. But in talking with some of my friends both in Oregon and in Tennessee, I’ve heard it said over and over again, “No one ever asks me to do anything.” And here I thought I was the only one. Amazingly, knowing that everyone would like to be asked to do something makes it easier for me to ask them. So, want a friend, make a call and ask them to do something. My question for you, is what do you ask people to do? I’d like some ideas besides coffee or a walk. There has to be more exciting things to be done in two’s. Comments welcome.

We were made for friendship. It’s a part of our spiritual and emotional DNA. After all, it’s in friendships that we get to practice denying ourselves and selflessly loving people who from time to time might make us crazy. I always say, it’s not hard to love, or be kind, or gentle, or self-controlled with a lap full of puppies, but with people, we get the chance to rely on the Spirit for the power to love even when the going gets tough, and for me that’s just keeping the friendship flame alive. Friendship gives us the chance to practice the one another’s talked about so much in the Bible. And while TV makes it look easy, nurturing real connections takes work. But it's so worth it. As the saying goes, friends are the family we choose. So, get to choosing. Friends make life's journey richer. May our friendships, both old and new, become like cozy sweaters we snuggle into, making us warm, comfortable, and secure. And if you're reading this and we haven't connected in a while, know that you have an open invitation. I'd love to catch up over coffee, trade playlists, and hear how you're doing. Here's to being intentional about this beautiful gift of friendship! We need each other.